Trial is Over

*Inside the chamber (not in an open court)*

Your Honor,

Bittersweet is the aftermath of the last trial. You granted such a plea of mercy. So the case was dismissed, the trial was over, and we went home and breathed without a caveat. Sweet!

But one day, I was confronted. The injurious process left an aftertaste – one that overcame the sweetness of such a miraculous victory.

The spirit tasted the bitter response bursting off the soul for going through Your process. I came face to face with my own filth. I took a step back then two and three more. I had in me that person saying, “I did not sign up for this. Is this all You have for me? I do not want this.” Then, without saying a word, my decisions were screaming “Let me go. Will you?”

My pride lead me toward a street of no return. The more steps I took, the more my lungs lost the ability to breathe. But what was I expecting? I walked in every direction away from life. I started amassing hollow block after hollow block and I laid them on my chest one by one. It was beyond than I could bare. Then I reached a dead end. “Now, what? I need something I do not deserve. I need saving. I should just stay here.” My will only bowed down when I started to doubt my sanity. I was in torment and I knew it would only take a surrender to get rescued.

You pursued. You showed up. You would not let go.

In the greatness of everything You are, it is now just a matter I look back into. I do regret getting out of the heat. I regret not trusting You completely through the process. I regret the most missing You through it. I missed the power of proximity – that having to stand strong with You in the face of mockery. Now I know that there exists no auxiliary to Your procedure. No matter how inconvenient, I am to remain and to finish strong.

Let it be put into record that You were faithful to me even at the point of my faithlessness to You. Let my children know even especially this. I have failed. But You never fail.

It is because of Your undying will that won’t let go that I can get up again. So I have risen with you.

Myself respectfully resubmitted.

19 August 2018.